Grand Theft Auto

I have always wondered what crime has to be committed to be considered “Grand Theft Auto”. Is it considered grand theft because the vehicle has to be worth $1000? Or is it grand because the vehicle is distinguished? Either way, if Matt’s beat-up work truck would ever get stolen the criminal would not be charged with grand theft auto. Maybe ”Petty Theft Auto” or even “Ordinary Theft Auto” but definitely not “Grand”.


So is the amount stolen the determining factor for crimes? If stolen goods are more or less than 1000? Let’s say I take $200 from the church is that a large theft? What if I take 500 Kleenex boxes from the counselor’s office? Is that big theft? What if I take more than 999 push pins from the office? Is that a major crime even if it is still under 1000?

Why do I ask?

You have to understand that we lived in an apartment for 3 years. During those years I yearned to look our my window and see rows of plant life including, but not limited to, daises, lilies, and clematis. I longed for the days of being able to sit out in my own backyard while the children played on the swing set and admire my flowers.

So when I confess to you that I have taken over 1000 flower bulbs from various locations around town you will appreciate my curiosity into my concerns if this will be considered grand theft.

Now, let’s be very clear…I did NOT steal anyone’s foliage. I actually got permission from many of my friends to thin our their own flower collections. I am (Ok, maybe not just me.) then going to plant all of these wonderful corms in our back yard. Then every year when they bloom I will be reminded of the many friendships that help cultivate that space. I will be reminded of the vast amount of brotherly love that went into all the bouquets. We will name it our “Phileo Garden”.

So every spring and summer as I am enjoying my colorful and fragrant yard I will think of all of you that contributed to it. And as I sit there enjoying the arrangements, I will wonder if the police are coming with charges of Grand Theft Flower.

Thank yous to everyone who donated! And a huge thank you to AT, HT and AC for all the help getting them planted. I couldn’t have done it without any of you.