A woman suffering from spousal abuse leaves her husband an average of seven times. Yes, that’s right. She goes back to the same man, with the same anger issues and same form of abuse an average of seven times. Most psychologist would tell you she does this for one of two reasons, if not both.
First, she knows no different. Her form of punishment from her own parents was more than likely abusive and she thinks that the behavior is normal. Or her self esteem is so low that she doesn’t think she is good enough to get someone else. She is just happy to have someone to “love” her. Usually the abuse leads to the low self esteem and the low self esteem leads to the abuse and it becomes cyclical.
I tis sick. It is wrong. Why does she put up with this?
But before we judge… isn’t this the same thing going on in our own lives day after day, week after week? How many times have you been to a department store and received horrible service? How recently have you been in one of these “super” centers to receive less than “super” assistance? How often do you wonder around the store aimlessly trying to find an employee who can answer your questions, help you find a product or do a price check?
Isn’t it the same thing? Don’t misunderstand me. Let me make this extremely clear! Getting bad service is nothing compared to being abused by someone who claims to love you. However, there are similarities in the way both are treated.
The abused woman keeps going back. So do we. Some of us every day. Some every week. Have you asked yourself why?
The abused woman doesn’t know any different. Can anyone remember where you used to buy crayons before these super department stores came into existence? Maybe we just don’t know there is a different way. A different place to shop.
The abused woman doesn’t know how to get the abuse to stop. Maybe we don’t either. But maybe, just maybe, if we all banned together to make it stop we can make a difference. What would happen if we all demanded better service, better response times, better everything when we visit these stores?
I, for one, will not take it any longer. I refuse to be treated this way. I have gone back to the abuse way more than seven times and I say it is enough. I pledge to find another way. A better way. A way to buy the things I need without being treated with less than stellar service. I deserve better. So do you.
“Stand up for what you believe in, even if it means standing alone.” - Author unknown.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
I'm having an affair!
I need to admit something. I need to come clean. There is something I need to get off my chest. I am in love with another man. He is absolutely wonderful. I spend time with him everyday. Actually, we try to get together more than once a day. We often meet for coffee and breakfast in my back yard before the kids get up for school. On weekends it is harder to get together because Matt is home but I try to squeeze in time. He quite often comes to where I am. Although, I go to his house twice a week. I even take the kids with me. He loves my kids (sometime I wonder if he loves them more than me.) But the most wonderful thing is that they love him too.
He is easy to love. He just sits and listens to my thoughts, plans, frustrations and joys. He never is condescending. Never judgmental. He never thinks my ideas or suggestions are ridiculous. He can really relate my heart. He completely understands my intentions and motives. I never have to explain why I say or do the things I do. I never have to explain myself to him at all. He just appreciates me for who I am. He is perfect. Truly perfect.
Most of the time when we are together we just sit and talk. I share my thoughts. He shares solutions. Although, there are days that I find myself crawling into his lap to cry. He loves to hold me until I let it all out and then let it all go. He is more than just my soul mate. He has also become my best friend.
I can’t wait for all of you to meet him someday. I hope you all get a chance. Oh yeah, his name? In the Old Testament Hebrew His name was Joshua. The New Testament Greek calls Him Jesus. In present-day English I just call Him my friend, lover and redeemer. You should start an affair today too. He would love to meet you and I can share.
He is easy to love. He just sits and listens to my thoughts, plans, frustrations and joys. He never is condescending. Never judgmental. He never thinks my ideas or suggestions are ridiculous. He can really relate my heart. He completely understands my intentions and motives. I never have to explain why I say or do the things I do. I never have to explain myself to him at all. He just appreciates me for who I am. He is perfect. Truly perfect.
Most of the time when we are together we just sit and talk. I share my thoughts. He shares solutions. Although, there are days that I find myself crawling into his lap to cry. He loves to hold me until I let it all out and then let it all go. He is more than just my soul mate. He has also become my best friend.
I can’t wait for all of you to meet him someday. I hope you all get a chance. Oh yeah, his name? In the Old Testament Hebrew His name was Joshua. The New Testament Greek calls Him Jesus. In present-day English I just call Him my friend, lover and redeemer. You should start an affair today too. He would love to meet you and I can share.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
It's Twins!
Recently I got to hold the world’s smallest baby. Alright, alright. Maybe he wasn’t the smallest baby ever born but he was, however, the smallest baby that I have ever held. He was only 2 lbs, 14 ozs. And, as Matt clearly pointed out, that is the weight of our tub of butter.
Our neighbors had their twin baby boys at 32 weeks gestation. Noah, the larger yet younger one, was a little more than 4 pounds and his “big” brother, Riley, was less than 3 pounds. Their combined total weight was still less than my smallest baby.
The mom had an emergency cesarean delivery here at our local hospital. Then, immediately after they were removed from her womb, the babies were ambulanced to a NICU in Indy. The two days that my friend had to stay in the hospital while her way-too-small-newborns were in a different city had to be the longest, most terrifying days of her life.
So after thing settled down a bit, I went to visit. And, that is when I got to hold little Riley. I wasn’t terrified as much as I was curious. As I examined his extremities, scrutinized over his scrotum, and observed almost everything else, I was in awe with this tiny and precious life in my hands. As I sat there only two thoughts went through my mind. Neither I thought I should share with his new mom.
First I thought about this particular baby’s mortality rate. I can only assume that less than 50 years ago (maybe even more recently) this little creature would not have been given the chance at life. I don’t know if the midwives or mothers would have simply deemed him unable to thrive. Or if he would have just not had the chance to try due to lack of technology and medicine. Either way, I for one am thrilled that he survived his premature birth.
The second thought wasn’t about what could have happened in the past as much as I consumed myself with thoughts of the present. In the late 1990’s and early 2000’s babies even bigger than Noah and Riley could have been aborted. Actually babies up until they are delivered could be aborted. It is called “partial-birth abortion”. If you haven’t heard of this procedure you need to educate yourself (because I won’t go into details here.) There were over 2000 partial-birth abortions performed in the year 2000 alone. Those are reported cases.
Babies killed. Just for being babies. Not preemies like my new neighbors. No, they were simply killed just for being babies.
Thankfully, eight very long years, our congress finally passed a ban in 2003 outlawing this procedure to be done. Eight years. Thousands of humans. Scary. Bothersome.
No I didn’t share any of this with my wonderful friend and mom to a new set of twins. I just reminded her that her littlest one was about the size of our tub of butter.
Just a side note: Just in case you care. “Premature” does not mean born before his due date. It is all about how much the baby weighs at birth. Technically, (Wikipedia agin) “the definition of prematurity is 2500 grams (about 5 1/2 pounds) or less at birth.” Think “weight, not date” I only know this (and am reminded of this whenever the topic arises) because Matt is a twin. He was premature and his brother was not….and Matt is older. Go figure.
Our neighbors had their twin baby boys at 32 weeks gestation. Noah, the larger yet younger one, was a little more than 4 pounds and his “big” brother, Riley, was less than 3 pounds. Their combined total weight was still less than my smallest baby.
The mom had an emergency cesarean delivery here at our local hospital. Then, immediately after they were removed from her womb, the babies were ambulanced to a NICU in Indy. The two days that my friend had to stay in the hospital while her way-too-small-newborns were in a different city had to be the longest, most terrifying days of her life.
So after thing settled down a bit, I went to visit. And, that is when I got to hold little Riley. I wasn’t terrified as much as I was curious. As I examined his extremities, scrutinized over his scrotum, and observed almost everything else, I was in awe with this tiny and precious life in my hands. As I sat there only two thoughts went through my mind. Neither I thought I should share with his new mom.
First I thought about this particular baby’s mortality rate. I can only assume that less than 50 years ago (maybe even more recently) this little creature would not have been given the chance at life. I don’t know if the midwives or mothers would have simply deemed him unable to thrive. Or if he would have just not had the chance to try due to lack of technology and medicine. Either way, I for one am thrilled that he survived his premature birth.
The second thought wasn’t about what could have happened in the past as much as I consumed myself with thoughts of the present. In the late 1990’s and early 2000’s babies even bigger than Noah and Riley could have been aborted. Actually babies up until they are delivered could be aborted. It is called “partial-birth abortion”. If you haven’t heard of this procedure you need to educate yourself (because I won’t go into details here.) There were over 2000 partial-birth abortions performed in the year 2000 alone. Those are reported cases.
Babies killed. Just for being babies. Not preemies like my new neighbors. No, they were simply killed just for being babies.
Thankfully, eight very long years, our congress finally passed a ban in 2003 outlawing this procedure to be done. Eight years. Thousands of humans. Scary. Bothersome.
No I didn’t share any of this with my wonderful friend and mom to a new set of twins. I just reminded her that her littlest one was about the size of our tub of butter.
Just a side note: Just in case you care. “Premature” does not mean born before his due date. It is all about how much the baby weighs at birth. Technically, (Wikipedia agin) “the definition of prematurity is 2500 grams (about 5 1/2 pounds) or less at birth.” Think “weight, not date” I only know this (and am reminded of this whenever the topic arises) because Matt is a twin. He was premature and his brother was not….and Matt is older. Go figure.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
SAD
I realize that it has been a while since my last blog entry. I have an excuse. Well, sort of. I have come to the conclusion that I may have SAD. No, not that I am sad but rather that I have SAD.
Recently, I read about this new disorder in which a small percentage (up to 10% in northern regions) of the population is admitting to suffering from. It is referred to as Seasonal Affective Disorder, SAD. The symptoms (according to Wikipedia, which is were I get all of my reliable information) include, but are not limited to:
“Symptoms of SAD may consist of difficulty waking up in the morning, morning sickness, tendency to oversleep as well as to overeat, and especially a craving for carbohydrates, which leads to weight gain.”
Let’s check these out…
Difficulty waking in the morning? Check. But who doesn’t?
Morning sickness? Usually check. But then again, I am usually pregnant.
Tendency to oversleep? Double check. Tendency and desire. But I thought it was just a human version of hibernating.
Tendency to over eat? Check.
Carbohydrates? Yeah, but I thought that was to help put on that extra layer of blubber to keep us warm in the winter months. Hence the aforementioned weight gain. Duh.
But there is more…
“Other symptoms include a lack of energy, difficulty concentrating on completing tasks, and withdrawal from friends, family, and social activities.”
Lack of energy? Seriously? This is not seasonal, I do have four kids under 7!
Difficulty concentrating? What was the question again?
Withdrawal? Could it be that I just spent most of my free time with my friends and family during the holidays and need some me time as I overeat my carbohydrates?
The diagnosis continues…
“All of this leads to the depression, pessimistic feelings of hopelessness, and lack of pleasure which characterize a person suffering from this disorder.”
Well, not sure any of these are quite appropriate but that would explain why I haven’t found as much pleasure in posting my life’s stories on the internet. Or could it be that I am just too cold to get out from under the blankets to sit at the computer.
The good news is that winter has never and will never last forever. I know that an end is in sight no matter what a rodent in Pennsylvania sees or doesn’t see. And even with the enormous amount so snow and ice we have suffered through this particular year, I will press on. I will survive. I will make it. I will get through this. And you can too.
And for all of you concerned that you may have missed your opportunity to be labeled with yet another popular disorder, when the season does change, there is a spring/summer version of this same aliment for you when that time comes, Read on…
“People who experience summer SAD (spring and summer depression) show symptoms of classic depression including insomnia, anxiety, irritability, decreased appetite, weight loss, social withdrawal, and a decreased sex drive.”
Insomnia? Great! So we go from oversleeping to no sleeping.
Anxiety? About what? That winter is coming back in a couple of months? You might just be right.
Irritability? Maybe because we have these stupid disorders and labels that everyone is throwing around.
Decreased appetite and weight loss? Well, they do tend to go hand in hand. And what other way is there to shed that extra layer of blubber we spend all winter trying to obtain? And don't forget that we have to get into our new swim suit.
Social withdrawal? In this season too? Do we get to withdrawal all year long? Maybe we withdrawal because we haven’t lost all the blubber from the winter months yet and we need to wait for the “decreased appetite and weight loss” to kick in.
And, the finale, a decreased sex drive? Oh, no, don’t tell Matt. That will just send him into yet another depressive disorder.
And I am sure we can find a disorder for that. But for now. I think all of us are normal for not necessarily enjoying the cold of winter. Well, the most of us are normal. I will check again in the spring.
Sorry again for the delay in blog postings. I will try to pull myself out of bed, from under the blankets, and away from the carbohydrates long enough to fill you in to all the wonderful events that are going on in my little world…no matter how SAD I am.
Recently, I read about this new disorder in which a small percentage (up to 10% in northern regions) of the population is admitting to suffering from. It is referred to as Seasonal Affective Disorder, SAD. The symptoms (according to Wikipedia, which is were I get all of my reliable information) include, but are not limited to:
“Symptoms of SAD may consist of difficulty waking up in the morning, morning sickness, tendency to oversleep as well as to overeat, and especially a craving for carbohydrates, which leads to weight gain.”
Let’s check these out…
Difficulty waking in the morning? Check. But who doesn’t?
Morning sickness? Usually check. But then again, I am usually pregnant.
Tendency to oversleep? Double check. Tendency and desire. But I thought it was just a human version of hibernating.
Tendency to over eat? Check.
Carbohydrates? Yeah, but I thought that was to help put on that extra layer of blubber to keep us warm in the winter months. Hence the aforementioned weight gain. Duh.
But there is more…
“Other symptoms include a lack of energy, difficulty concentrating on completing tasks, and withdrawal from friends, family, and social activities.”
Lack of energy? Seriously? This is not seasonal, I do have four kids under 7!
Difficulty concentrating? What was the question again?
Withdrawal? Could it be that I just spent most of my free time with my friends and family during the holidays and need some me time as I overeat my carbohydrates?
The diagnosis continues…
“All of this leads to the depression, pessimistic feelings of hopelessness, and lack of pleasure which characterize a person suffering from this disorder.”
Well, not sure any of these are quite appropriate but that would explain why I haven’t found as much pleasure in posting my life’s stories on the internet. Or could it be that I am just too cold to get out from under the blankets to sit at the computer.
The good news is that winter has never and will never last forever. I know that an end is in sight no matter what a rodent in Pennsylvania sees or doesn’t see. And even with the enormous amount so snow and ice we have suffered through this particular year, I will press on. I will survive. I will make it. I will get through this. And you can too.
And for all of you concerned that you may have missed your opportunity to be labeled with yet another popular disorder, when the season does change, there is a spring/summer version of this same aliment for you when that time comes, Read on…
“People who experience summer SAD (spring and summer depression) show symptoms of classic depression including insomnia, anxiety, irritability, decreased appetite, weight loss, social withdrawal, and a decreased sex drive.”
Insomnia? Great! So we go from oversleeping to no sleeping.
Anxiety? About what? That winter is coming back in a couple of months? You might just be right.
Irritability? Maybe because we have these stupid disorders and labels that everyone is throwing around.
Decreased appetite and weight loss? Well, they do tend to go hand in hand. And what other way is there to shed that extra layer of blubber we spend all winter trying to obtain? And don't forget that we have to get into our new swim suit.
Social withdrawal? In this season too? Do we get to withdrawal all year long? Maybe we withdrawal because we haven’t lost all the blubber from the winter months yet and we need to wait for the “decreased appetite and weight loss” to kick in.
And, the finale, a decreased sex drive? Oh, no, don’t tell Matt. That will just send him into yet another depressive disorder.
And I am sure we can find a disorder for that. But for now. I think all of us are normal for not necessarily enjoying the cold of winter. Well, the most of us are normal. I will check again in the spring.
Sorry again for the delay in blog postings. I will try to pull myself out of bed, from under the blankets, and away from the carbohydrates long enough to fill you in to all the wonderful events that are going on in my little world…no matter how SAD I am.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Freshly Fallen Snow
Even though winter is not my favorite season I do love watching it snow. Not that I like shoveling said snow or driving in said snow. I do like watching the cold, wet flakes make their way to earth. Then, when it is all said and done and the entire ground is covered with the wintery white blanket, I enjoy even more looking out into the yard at the freshly fallen snow. It is so fresh. So pure. So innocent.
Maybe because the snow is so untainted is why so many refer to it as “virgin snow”. The snow on the ground before the kids trample over it to make their snowmen. Or before your husband trudges across it to get to the snow blower. Or before the dog gets on it and changes it to yellow snow. (Which, by the way, you need to remind your two-year-old to never eat!) But the best part of the blanket of snow is how it glitters and sparkles in the sunshine.
That spotless snow reminds us of all of our own sins and how we can never be as chaste as that “virgin” snow again. None of us. Not one. It doesn’t matter if your sin has anything to do with your sex life. It can be any sin. No matter what it is. We are all guilty of not keeping ourselves clean. Pure. Innocent.
But one thing I have noticed about the winter snow is that even the dirty, sinful snow sparkles in the right light. That no matter what has happened to it. Plowed, shoveled, walked on or made into snowballs. All snow can glitter and sparkle. But none of it can unless the sun is shining on it.
Forget your past and your sins. God has. He has removed them as far as the east is from the west. Then let the Son shine on you. HE can sparkle just like the snow--virgin or not.
Maybe because the snow is so untainted is why so many refer to it as “virgin snow”. The snow on the ground before the kids trample over it to make their snowmen. Or before your husband trudges across it to get to the snow blower. Or before the dog gets on it and changes it to yellow snow. (Which, by the way, you need to remind your two-year-old to never eat!) But the best part of the blanket of snow is how it glitters and sparkles in the sunshine.
That spotless snow reminds us of all of our own sins and how we can never be as chaste as that “virgin” snow again. None of us. Not one. It doesn’t matter if your sin has anything to do with your sex life. It can be any sin. No matter what it is. We are all guilty of not keeping ourselves clean. Pure. Innocent.
But one thing I have noticed about the winter snow is that even the dirty, sinful snow sparkles in the right light. That no matter what has happened to it. Plowed, shoveled, walked on or made into snowballs. All snow can glitter and sparkle. But none of it can unless the sun is shining on it.
Forget your past and your sins. God has. He has removed them as far as the east is from the west. Then let the Son shine on you. HE can sparkle just like the snow--virgin or not.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Dating All Over Again
I feel like I am dating again. I spend most of my day rummaging around on the internet for one that might meet my needs. Might make me happy. Might measure up. I comb through the want ads hoping someone is out there that has what I want. I am consumed and overwhelmed with the entire searching process. In addition to my daily pursuit, I venture out every night physically searching. Looking. Hunting. Trying to find that perfect one. That one that I am willing to take home and make mine.
I may not be searching for a husband. This time I am looking for a replacement van. Nonetheless, the process seems very much the same. Search my options. Take several test drives. Then decide if I am willing to accept the imperfections before I sign on the dotted line. The only difference that I have found is that it only takes a key to turn on the van.
Finding a van may not be as painful as choosing the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with, but is still a considerable amount of hard work. We have been looking for a van for more than two weeks with no avail. I look online, find some that meet our criteria, and call the dealership to see if they still have it on their lot. When Matt gets home from working all day we immediately leave to take them for a spin. We haven’t had a meal at our table since Christmas day. By the time we get home we put the kids to bed. Then we pray that the next day will be better. That we find the one we are supposed to have.
We aren’t even being that picky. It must run and hold all six of us. Simple as that. Of course, we would love to have all the latest gadgets and devices but we would also like to not have to finance this vehicle.
At this point I am just exhausted with looking. I don’t want to see one more ad, one more salesman, one more van. At this point I am almost willing to take whatever I come across next. At this point I think I will just walk everywhere with a stroller or two and forget getting a van altogether. But at least I am not back at the bars scooping out prospective mates while I drown my sorrows in yet another beer.
I may not be searching for a husband. This time I am looking for a replacement van. Nonetheless, the process seems very much the same. Search my options. Take several test drives. Then decide if I am willing to accept the imperfections before I sign on the dotted line. The only difference that I have found is that it only takes a key to turn on the van.
Finding a van may not be as painful as choosing the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with, but is still a considerable amount of hard work. We have been looking for a van for more than two weeks with no avail. I look online, find some that meet our criteria, and call the dealership to see if they still have it on their lot. When Matt gets home from working all day we immediately leave to take them for a spin. We haven’t had a meal at our table since Christmas day. By the time we get home we put the kids to bed. Then we pray that the next day will be better. That we find the one we are supposed to have.
We aren’t even being that picky. It must run and hold all six of us. Simple as that. Of course, we would love to have all the latest gadgets and devices but we would also like to not have to finance this vehicle.
At this point I am just exhausted with looking. I don’t want to see one more ad, one more salesman, one more van. At this point I am almost willing to take whatever I come across next. At this point I think I will just walk everywhere with a stroller or two and forget getting a van altogether. But at least I am not back at the bars scooping out prospective mates while I drown my sorrows in yet another beer.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
My New Van for Christmas!
Wednesday we went to Lafayette to get pictures of Zech for his birthday. While we were there Matt did his last minute Christmas shopping. We had a wonderful dinner at a new restaurant and, of course, finished the evening with ice cream (even if was only 17 degrees outside). We picked up the kids from my mom’s house and were home bound. It was late and we were all tired. I knew I still had some gift wrapping to do before the next day’s family gathering.
When we finally started heading home some fog rolled in. It came quickly and in parts was so thick not much could be seen. Luckily we were on a stretch of road that both of us had driven numerous times and were quite familiar with. The two youngest had just fallen asleep. The two oldest were in the back seat bickering about something. We had just passed a semi truck which we commented on because we didn’t usually see them on this particular road. We had several things on our minds but none of which were about what was about to take place.
Then it happened. I saw him first. A split second later Matt saw him. It all happened so fast. A truck had crossed the median and was sitting perpendicular in front of us in both lanes. Matt quickly stood, literally, on the brake with both feet. Screech! Crash! Bang! We hit the truck head on. Only by the GRACE IF GOD and my husband’s quick defensive driving was it not worse. Instead of T-boning the truck Matt hit him diagonally which I truly believe saved that passenger’s life and kept the rest of us from major injury. Seconds after we crashed the semi that we had just talked about passed us. I am not sure how he got around us without causing more problems. Only God does. Just one more thing I am so grateful for.
It was absolutely scary. The oldest kids were in shock and speechless. The baby slept through the whole incident. I was so bewildered that when Matt told me to call someone I couldn’t even remember the number for 911! The police came to write their report. My step-dad came to offer help. Friends came to give us ride home. The van was totaled but we all (except for Zech) walked away. Again, I have no idea how. In all honesty, it should have been much, much worse than it was.
This accident may have altered our holiday plans a little. Fortunately though, we are not accepting visitors to our hospital rooms or calling funereal homes. No, not even scratches or bruises. God really did protect us and keep us safe. It actually worked out for the best because now I get to pick out a new van for Christmas.
Even though my Christmas didn’t turn out the way I planned, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Merry Christmas everyone! May you remember all the wonderful things He gave you --your life and His.
When we finally started heading home some fog rolled in. It came quickly and in parts was so thick not much could be seen. Luckily we were on a stretch of road that both of us had driven numerous times and were quite familiar with. The two youngest had just fallen asleep. The two oldest were in the back seat bickering about something. We had just passed a semi truck which we commented on because we didn’t usually see them on this particular road. We had several things on our minds but none of which were about what was about to take place.
Then it happened. I saw him first. A split second later Matt saw him. It all happened so fast. A truck had crossed the median and was sitting perpendicular in front of us in both lanes. Matt quickly stood, literally, on the brake with both feet. Screech! Crash! Bang! We hit the truck head on. Only by the GRACE IF GOD and my husband’s quick defensive driving was it not worse. Instead of T-boning the truck Matt hit him diagonally which I truly believe saved that passenger’s life and kept the rest of us from major injury. Seconds after we crashed the semi that we had just talked about passed us. I am not sure how he got around us without causing more problems. Only God does. Just one more thing I am so grateful for.
It was absolutely scary. The oldest kids were in shock and speechless. The baby slept through the whole incident. I was so bewildered that when Matt told me to call someone I couldn’t even remember the number for 911! The police came to write their report. My step-dad came to offer help. Friends came to give us ride home. The van was totaled but we all (except for Zech) walked away. Again, I have no idea how. In all honesty, it should have been much, much worse than it was.
This accident may have altered our holiday plans a little. Fortunately though, we are not accepting visitors to our hospital rooms or calling funereal homes. No, not even scratches or bruises. God really did protect us and keep us safe. It actually worked out for the best because now I get to pick out a new van for Christmas.
Even though my Christmas didn’t turn out the way I planned, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Merry Christmas everyone! May you remember all the wonderful things He gave you --your life and His.
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June 2010
Four little monkies all lined up in a row!