Different Friends Different Expectations

A friend of mine stopped by unannounced. For the first time in a long time it didn’t bother me. Not that my friend would bother me but the state of my house didn’t bother me. This made me ponder why I sometimes get stressed over visitors and sometiand while at other mes I am at ease. I have come to the conclusion that it really isn’t the state of the house that makes me get nervous. The determining factor on how anxious I am is which friend I am having over.


For example, a couple of weeks ago I had a friend stay over. I was completely worried and somewhat frazzled about it. She even commented on how she felt things were out of sorts. I cleaned like crazy but knew it wouldn’t be clean enough for her. I was so convinced that anything I cooked would be wrong that I didn’t even try to prepare anything. But the problem wasn’t my friend but rather my opinion of her. You see, I think she is perfect and I that I will never live up to her expectations. Therefore, I should not even try.

On the other hand, I have another friend who stresses me out when we go to her house. Most of the time when my kids learn that we are headed to her house they beg and cry to not go. I spend the entire time there trying to make sure that my kids don’t touch the wrong thing or sit on the wrong chair. And heaven forbid, it they ever filled their diapers. I think we would have an entirely different issue then. It is so stressful that we rarely enjoy ourselves during the visit.

It just makes me wonder if anyone is that stressed coming over to my house. Do I make them feel like they are walking on egg shells or at the very least trying to not crack any the wrong way? Or, on the hand, I am I causing someone to stress over my attendance in their dwelling? Do I make request that make them cringe at the thought of me showing up?

I want my house to warm and welcoming. I want people to want to come here. I want their kids to want to come here. I want everyone to feel comfortable and relaxed. I don’t care where you sit--on the couch, on the floor or even on the kitchen counters. I don’t care what we eat. I even promise to pick out the mushrooms with very little complaining. And I don’t even care if your baby has diarrhea and has to be changed every 15 minutes. I will even help. Because that is how we live life together. Not stressed. Not worried. Not walking on egg shells or around pink elephants. Just loving one another.