We Lost the Baby

I have heard these four heavyhearted words from more friends than I care to count. “We lost the baby.” Most of the time these dreadful words came from the quivering mouth of a tearful mom who miscarried a baby in her first trimester. These types of loses actually happen more often than you would think. But for some reason we don't talk about them.

I have also had the unfortunate anguish of hearing these words from a mother who had to bury her baby just weeks after giving birth to him. Since then I have met a mother who delivered her first child still born. And another friend whose baby died while being delivered. My heart aches every time I hear stories like these. Then I thank and praise God that all of my children are healthy and living.

Recently, I heard those four horrible words from a different mouth. This time it was from a fellow foster mom, Sherry. Sherry had just left the courtroom. She was broken, shocked and hurt. The baby she had been taking care of since her release from the NICU three months prior was just taken from her. Sherry, the foster mom, was the one that sat up all night caring for this sick baby born six weeks early. Sherry was the one that fed the baby every two hours around the clock. Sherry was the one who took the baby home and made her part of her life. But Sherry was not the one leaving the courthouse with the baby that day.

You see, Sherry is “just” the foster mom. These temporary parents are called in to take care of children while their parents can't. In this case, the baby's 16 year old mother was addicted to various drugs when she went into premature labor. Therefore, by law the baby needed to be removed from the environment until the environment changed.

So, after several months, the baby's mother passed her drug screening and proved herself stable enough to raise a child. And like many of these cases, reunification is the desired outcome as much as possible. The issue is that one person, the family court judge, gets to decide if the environment is stable enough for a young baby. And sometimes that decision is difficult to swallow.

For all of my friends who have had to say goodbye to their child way too early—either from the womb, from their arms or from the operating table—I have only a few words of comfort. All I can offer is to let them know that those children are in a better place. (Read 2 Samuel 12:18-23) I confidently know that they are in the arms of God. The best place ever.

For my friend Sherry, I cannot give her that same confidence. Statistically, we know that baby will more than likely end up back in the foster care system. I am not sure if her baby is in a better place. I doubt she is. I hope I am wrong. I only know that my friend lost her baby. And that is tragic.