What Goes Around

As we were standing in the long line that wrapped entirely around the store's exterior waiting to get inside for the door buster deals I found myself wondering what kind of people really think that shopping just a few hours after stuffing themselves full of turkey is a good idea. And of course, I am not the only one. There are thousands of us out shopping tonight.

Then I started wondering about the employees that have to work on this night. Did they even get to have turkey with their family? Did they get to see see any football and fall asleep in front of the television? Have they been here as long as we have preparing the store for us to come in and invade it?

What kind of people work at these places anyway? Being that we do our shopping in a college town I simply assume that most of the grunt employees (oh, I mean seasonal help) that they get to work this particular shift are students looking for some extra holiday cash.

But this night I learned that such is not the case. As my husband and I were waiting to for the store to open he pointed out a man to me. The older gentleman looked very grumpy with the crowd and rightfully so. He had to be in retirement age yet was employed as a security guard on the worst night possible.

My husband then told me he just happen to know the man that he had pointed out to me. He was a farmer that lived in the same county as he did growing up. The reason he knows this isn't because he could see his house (way to many fields, cows and pole barns in the way for that.) No, he knew this because his kids were in 4-H with him. Apparently this man was a cheat. He would break the rules so that they would win the 4-H contests. With this type of cheating there was on way for my husband or his siblings –who followed the rules—to win.

This dishonest man lost everything. Because he was more focused on the appearance, rather than the production, of the cattle, he lost the farm. Literally. And now. in his years of retirement, he is left with being a mall cop on Black Friday. Disrespected by the crowd. Made fun of as he turns his back to people. Ridiculed by many. Spit on by some.

There is a part of me that thinks he is getting what he deserves. What goes around, comes around. Maybe if he wasn't so dishonest with his cattle he would still have a farm to call home and work. But instead he gets to play mall cop with rude tired customers.

It makes me think of Lotso from Toy Story 3. He was the mean tyrant that ruled the preschool. At the climatic of the movie he has a choice to make. To push the button and save all the toys or leave them to die. He chooses the latter. Fortunately, Woody, Buzz and the gang make it out alive but no thanks to Lotso. By the end of the flick Andy's toys are all rescued and in a new home but Lotso, on the other hand, is strapped to the front of a garbage truck. He got what he deserved in the end.

That just reminded me. While I am writing in this line, I need to pick up a copy of the new Cars movie that is out and a... and a... and a... oh the thrills of shopping with sleep deprivation.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! And Happy Black Friday too.

Thanksgiving

As we all gather around the table blanketed with turkey and stuffing a common tradition ensues. Most families partake in sharing what they are thankful for. In lieu of this practice I thought I would share my list.

Of course, like most you, I am thankful for my life and the ability to live it to the fullest. My freedom from tyrants and injustice. And, most importantly, my salvation which is only from the blood of Jesus Christ. But for some reason I wanted to state more than the obvious. Or maybe I need to do just that. State the obvious.

So, in no particular order, I am thankful for :

clean water, employment, and mobility

telephones, 911, and food in our pantry

doctors, family, and a warm bed

aspirin and a roof over my head

toothbrushes, toothpaste, and a bar of soap

a future so bright that's full of hope

good neighbors, forgiveness, and knowledge

toilet paper, hot water, and preservatives

a washer and dryer, and electricity

chocolate, education, and fertility*

warm fuzzy socks and the feel of clean sheets

tampons, antibiotics and turning up the heat

the ability to read, a good pair of shoes, and my health

and realizing that there are things more important than wealth

So as you sit around with family and turkey think about all the things we take for granted. Be thankful for things that others may not have. Focus on each one and try to imagine life without these blessings. And truly celebrate the holiday for its namesake.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

*(NO! We are not announcing a pregnancy. I am just truly thankful for the ease of getting pregnant with the children that God has blessed us with already. Trust me, this quiver is full.)

Oh yeah. P.S. I am also thankful for you taking time out of your day to read these ramblings. I genuinely do love writing them and probably should have put blogging somewhere on my list.

Grieving

There are many things I was looking forward to when I got married. Someone to spend the rest of my life with. To share in the joys and trials of parenting. A name to finally put on the invitations that for 10 years read “Michelle and Guest”. Another thing that I had longingly anticipated was having a new family.

You have to understand that my family and I do not have a lot in common. My sister got married when she was only 15 and went off to live the stereotypical life of a young mother. My brother wasn’t much different. He may have never been married or had children (that he knows about) but his life doesn’t resemble mine in the least. I went to college. I didn’t marry until I was almost 30. All of my children are from the same man and have the same last name. But the biggest difference between me and the rest of my family is that I am a Christian. They, sadly, are not.

So because I married a Christian man from a Christian home I thought there would be a instantaneous bond between us. Not only us but also between myself and his family. I imagined that I would have this unfailing connection with my new relatives. I imagined all of us (especially the women) spending time--days, weekends, holidays--together experiencing life together. I imagined us sharing thoughts, feelings, and dreams with each other and holding each other accountable to those ambitions. I imagined each of us joining together to help raise the next generation to be great Christians. My imagination couldn’t have been more wrong.

Just recently have I realized that because of this misguided dream and my subsequent broken heart, I am going thorough the five stages of grief. Not grief like surviving the death of a loved one. But grief nonetheless. My grief is from the loss of a connection of family members--both of my family of origin and my family by marriage.

The first step of grief is shock and denial. I never realized how much shock I was in the beginning. Few do. I spent the first part of our marriage denying the fact that I didn’t fit into this new family. I would go to family get-togethers and expect camaraderie. Love.   Acceptance. I ignored it when I didn’t get these things. I ignored it for a while that is.

The next stage of grief is where I sat the longest. Anger. I spent the better part of the last decade angry with everyone including myself. My sister-in-law and I actually came to blows one time over my behavior and ways of life. I wish I had known then what I know now.   I was just in a stage of grief and crying out for someone to love me. But then again who wants to hug a porcupine? It’s hard to let someone know you are hurting when you are too busy throwing darts at them.

The next stage that I went through was bargaining. I thought I could earn their love with my many “ifs and justs”. If I could just… If I would just… If I just tried... None of that worked either. No matter what I did I couldn’t get them to see the wonderful woman I am. The woman who has overcome many obstacles and triumphed many trials. They will never know the heartache from which I have been healed. Few of them really know me or anything about my past.  But it was partly my fault.  They could never see it because I was forever in the angry stage.

Currently, I have noticed that I am in the fourth stage which is depression. I am sad. Simply sad. Heartbroken sad. Bitterly sad. At times, inconsolably sad. I have come to realize--with a lot of counseling-- that I will never truly belong to either family group. The unbelieving family from which I come and the Christian one that makes me feel less than adequate. I feel that I am stuck in the middle. Not wanted by either side. My family looks at me as the “holier-than-thou-Bible thumper” and my in-laws see me as the not-quite-good-enough sinner with a scarlet “A” pinned to my chest.

It’s not fair but life rarely is. If I contemplate the injustice too much I quickly revisit the angry stage. Then I have to start all over from there. That just causes the cycle to continue--again. So instead of running on the treadmill of anger-bargaining-anger-bargaining. I just need to accept my circumstances. My fate. My lot in life.

That’s the final stage of grief--acceptance. I need to accept that fact that I am me and this is who I am. And maybe someday everyone else will realize that I am just a sinner yet saved by grace trying to live this new life the best I know how. But for now I will just have to work on accepting the fact myself. Accepting the fact that I am loved by The One whose opinion matters and that is all that matters. I need to accept me. I need to accept this situation. Then maybe everyone will be able to accept me also.

But for now I will work on trying to fit in. That is all I can do. Push through the stages and move on towards the goal. With Jesus’ strength I will get through this and survive. I always do.

Superheroes

One day when I was at lunch with my kids, four superheroes walked into the restaurant. We all sat in amazement and awe. We couldn't believe our eyes. It is not everyday one gets the privilege of dinning with protectors and guardians of peace and good.

I know what some of you are thinking-- It must have been Halloween. But it wasn't. These superheroes weren't wearing blue tights or web slingers. On their chests were not symbols of a giant “S” or an encircled “4”.

No. These superheros wore camouflage uniforms. The symbol they proudly displayed was an American flag.

As I sat there I remembered a beer commercial that aired several years ago. The ad simply showed people sitting around an airport minding their own business. Then in walks a troop of armed forces returning from their duty overseas. The entire room—the entire airport—stops what they are doing, stands on their feet, and applaud the men and women in this unit. I cry every time I see it.  (Watch for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kf4Bgs24ciU)

Not knowing if these particular superheros recently returned from military combat, basic training or the office, I was unsure what type of response should be displayed. As I pondered what to do it became obvious what the other people thought to do. One after the other, many of the customers came up to their table, shook their hands and expressed their gratitude. It was humbling. So many people saying thank you.

After I had my opportunity to convey my gratefulness for their service I mentioned to the waitress that I would like to buy their lunch. It was the least I could do for all they have done. She then informed that three other people had already offered to buy their lunch.

As Veteran’s Day approaches let us take a moment to show our thanks to those who protect and serve. Either home or abroad. In harm's way or training those who will be. Those who have made it home or those still away.   Those who come back with all the body parts God gave them or the ones that left a part of themselves on the battlefield.

Send a card to a soldier fighting. Make care packages to send to troops. Applaud in an airport. Shake a hand and say thank you.  Call a wife or mother whose son will never be in her arms again.

Or simply pay for a superhero's meal next time you find yourself eating with one. Just make sure you keep the kyptonite out of sight.

God bless America and God bless those who protect her.

Not A Fan.

Let me make this very clear.  This blog is not filled with words of my own.  And in order to avoid plagiarism charges I want to totally upfront that I did NOT write the following paragraph.  And I did not get prior permission from the publisher.  However, I thought it was such a great analogy I wanted to share it with the rest of you.  actually this little paragraph has completely changed the way I want to live my life.

Taken from "Not A Fan" by Kyle Idleman:

Imagine that my family goes on a mission trip for a month and we have a young married couple come and house sit for us.  Before we leave I give them a notebook with 10-12 pages of fairly detailed instructions for taking care of the house and pets.  I tell them when to water the plants.   I write out where to find the food for the car and how much food to give it.  I remind them to get the mail. I explain the trash day is early on Thursday morning.  I inform them that the downstairs toilet overflows and clearly state where the shut-off valve is just in case.  When I give them the notebook the couple commits to doing what it says.  

Now I want you to imagine that I come back and all the plants are dead. The garbage is full of trash.  The toilet has been overflowing for days and the basement is flooded.  Then I look in the backyard and the is a little graveside where the cat has been buried.

Then the couple who has been house sitting comes up and explains how helpful the notebook was.  In fact they have memorized certain sections and I can see where they have highlighted different areas.  They inform me that they went over parts of the notebook every night before going to bed.  

What an I going to say?  I am going to say, "Away form me you evil doers!"  They may have spoken words of commitment, but there is no evidence that those words meant anything.

Let me quote from another Book:  "  What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds?  Can such a faith save him?"  (James 2:14)

I, for one, need to be more interested in doing what the Book says than highlighting sections of it.  How about you?  Let's look forward to the day we hear our Creator say, "Well done, good and faithful servant."