Stop the Abuse!

A woman suffering from spousal abuse leaves her husband an average of seven times. Yes, that’s right. She goes back to the same man, with the same anger issues and same form of abuse an average of seven times. Most psychologist would tell you she does this for one of two reasons, if not both.


First, she knows no different. Her form of punishment from her own parents was more than likely abusive and she thinks that the behavior is normal. Or her self esteem is so low that she doesn’t think she is good enough to get someone else. She is just happy to have someone to “love” her. Usually the abuse leads to the low self esteem and the low self esteem leads to the abuse and it becomes cyclical.

I tis sick.  It is wrong.  Why does she put up with this?

But before we judge… isn’t this the same thing going on in our own lives day after day, week after week? How many times have you been to a department store and received horrible service? How recently have you been in one of these “super” centers to receive less than “super” assistance? How often do you wonder around the store aimlessly trying to find an employee who can answer your questions, help you find a product or do a price check?

Isn’t it the same thing? Don’t misunderstand me. Let me make this extremely clear! Getting bad service is nothing compared to being abused by someone who claims to love you. However, there are similarities in the way both are treated.

The abused woman keeps going back. So do we. Some of us every day. Some every week. Have you asked yourself why?

The abused woman doesn’t know any different. Can anyone remember where you used to buy crayons before these super department stores came into existence? Maybe we just don’t know there is a different way.  A different place to shop.

The abused woman doesn’t know how to get the abuse to stop. Maybe we don’t either. But maybe, just maybe, if we all banned together to make it stop we can make a difference. What would happen if we all demanded better service, better response times, better everything when we visit these stores?

I, for one, will not take it any longer. I refuse to be treated this way. I have gone back to the abuse way more than seven times and I say it is enough. I pledge to find another way.  A better way.  A way to buy the things I need without being treated with less than stellar service.  I deserve better.  So do you.

 “Stand up for what you believe in, even if it means standing alone.” - Author unknown.

I'm having an affair!

I need to admit something. I need to come clean. There is something I need to get off my chest. I am in love with another man. He is absolutely wonderful. I spend time with him everyday. Actually, we try to get together more than once a day. We often meet for coffee and breakfast in my back yard before the kids get up for school. On weekends it is harder to get together because Matt is home but I try to squeeze in time. He quite often comes to where I am. Although, I go to his house twice a week. I even take the kids with me. He loves my kids (sometime I wonder if he loves them more than me.) But the most wonderful thing is that they love him too.


He is easy to love. He just sits and listens to my thoughts, plans, frustrations and joys. He never is condescending. Never judgmental. He never thinks my ideas or suggestions are ridiculous. He can really relate my heart. He completely understands my intentions and motives. I never have to explain why I say or do the things I do. I never have to explain myself to him at all. He just appreciates me for who I am. He is perfect. Truly perfect.

Most of the time when we are together we just sit and talk. I share my thoughts.  He shares solutions.  Although, there are days that I find myself crawling into his lap to cry. He loves to hold me until I let it all out and then let it all go. He is more than just my soul mate. He has also become my best friend.

I can’t wait for all of you to meet him someday. I hope you all get a chance. Oh yeah, his name? In the Old Testament Hebrew His name was Joshua. The New Testament Greek calls Him Jesus. In present-day English I just call Him my friend, lover and redeemer. You should start an affair today too. He would love to meet you and I can share.

It's Twins!

Recently I got to hold the world’s smallest baby. Alright, alright. Maybe he wasn’t the smallest baby ever born but he was, however, the smallest baby that I have ever held. He was only 2 lbs, 14 ozs. And, as Matt clearly pointed out, that is the weight of our tub of butter.

Our neighbors had their twin baby boys at 32 weeks gestation. Noah, the larger yet younger one, was a little more than 4 pounds and his “big” brother, Riley, was less than 3 pounds. Their combined total weight was still less than my smallest baby.

The mom had an emergency cesarean delivery here at our local hospital. Then, immediately after they were removed from her womb, the babies were ambulanced to a NICU in Indy. The two days that my friend had to stay in the hospital while her way-too-small-newborns were in a different city had to be the longest, most terrifying days of her life.

So after thing settled down a bit, I went to visit. And, that is when I got to hold little Riley. I wasn’t terrified as much as I was curious. As I examined his extremities, scrutinized over his scrotum, and observed almost everything else, I was in awe with this tiny and precious life in my hands. As I sat there only two thoughts went through my mind. Neither I thought I should share with his new mom.

First I thought about this particular baby’s mortality rate. I can only assume that less than 50 years ago (maybe even more recently) this little creature would not have been given the chance at life. I don’t know if the midwives or mothers would have simply deemed him unable to thrive. Or if he would have just not had the chance to try due to lack of technology and medicine. Either way, I for one am thrilled that he survived his premature birth.

The second thought wasn’t about what could have happened in the past as much as I consumed myself with thoughts of the present. In the late 1990’s and early 2000’s babies even bigger than Noah and Riley could have been aborted. Actually babies up until they are delivered could be aborted. It is called “partial-birth abortion”. If you haven’t heard of this procedure you need to educate yourself (because I won’t go into details here.) There were over 2000 partial-birth abortions performed in the year 2000 alone. Those are reported cases.

Babies killed. Just for being babies. Not preemies like my new neighbors. No, they were simply killed just for being babies.

Thankfully, eight very long years, our congress finally passed a ban in 2003 outlawing this procedure to be done. Eight years. Thousands of humans. Scary. Bothersome.

No I didn’t share any of this with my wonderful friend and mom to a new set of twins. I just reminded her that her littlest one was about the size of our tub of butter.



Just a side note: Just in case you care.  “Premature” does not mean born before his due date. It is all about how much the baby weighs at birth. Technically, (Wikipedia agin) “the definition of prematurity is 2500 grams (about 5 1/2 pounds) or less at birth.”  Think “weight, not date” I only know this (and am reminded of this whenever the topic arises) because Matt is a twin. He was premature and his brother was not….and Matt is older. Go figure.

SAD

I realize that it has been a while since my last blog entry. I have an excuse. Well, sort of. I have come to the conclusion that I may have SAD. No, not that I am sad but rather that I have SAD.

Recently, I read about this new disorder in which a small percentage (up to 10% in northern regions) of the population is admitting to suffering from. It is referred to as Seasonal Affective Disorder, SAD. The symptoms (according to Wikipedia, which is were I get all of my reliable information) include, but are not limited to:

“Symptoms of SAD may consist of difficulty waking up in the morning, morning sickness, tendency to oversleep as well as to overeat, and especially a craving for carbohydrates, which leads to weight gain.”

Let’s check these out…

Difficulty waking in the morning? Check. But who doesn’t?

Morning sickness? Usually check. But then again, I am usually pregnant.

Tendency to oversleep?  Double check. Tendency and desire. But I thought it was just a human version of hibernating.

Tendency to over eat? Check.

Carbohydrates? Yeah, but I thought that was to help put on that extra layer of blubber to keep us warm in the winter months. Hence the aforementioned weight gain. Duh.

But there is more…

“Other symptoms include a lack of energy, difficulty concentrating on completing tasks, and withdrawal from friends, family, and social activities.”

Lack of energy? Seriously? This is not seasonal, I do have four kids under 7!

Difficulty concentrating? What was the question again?

Withdrawal? Could it be that I just spent most of my free time with my friends and family during the holidays and need some me time as I overeat my carbohydrates?

The diagnosis continues…

“All of this leads to the depression, pessimistic feelings of hopelessness, and lack of pleasure which characterize a person suffering from this disorder.”

Well, not sure any of these are quite appropriate but that would explain why I haven’t found as much pleasure in posting my life’s stories on the internet. Or could it be that I am just too cold to get out from under the blankets to sit at the computer.

The good news is that winter has never and will never last forever. I know that an end is in sight no matter what a rodent in Pennsylvania sees or doesn’t see. And even with the enormous amount so snow and ice we have suffered through this particular year, I will press on. I will survive. I will make it. I will get through this. And you can too.

And for all of you concerned that you may have missed your opportunity to be labeled with yet another popular disorder, when the season does change, there is a spring/summer version of this same aliment for you when that time comes,  Read on…

“People who experience summer SAD (spring and summer depression) show symptoms of classic depression including insomnia, anxiety, irritability, decreased appetite, weight loss, social withdrawal, and a decreased sex drive.”

Insomnia? Great! So we go from oversleeping to no sleeping.

Anxiety? About what? That winter is coming back in a couple of months? You might just be right.

Irritability? Maybe because we have these stupid disorders and labels that everyone is throwing around.

Decreased appetite and weight loss? Well, they do tend to go hand in hand. And what other way is there to shed that extra layer of blubber we spend all winter trying to obtain? And don't forget that we have to get into our new swim suit.

Social withdrawal? In this season too? Do we get to withdrawal all year long? Maybe we withdrawal because we haven’t lost all the blubber from the winter months yet and we need to wait for the “decreased appetite and weight loss” to kick in.

And, the finale, a decreased sex drive? Oh, no, don’t tell Matt. That will just send him into yet another depressive disorder.

And I am sure we can find a disorder for that. But for now. I think all of us are normal for not necessarily enjoying the cold of winter. Well, the most of us are normal. I will check again in the spring.

Sorry again for the delay in blog postings. I will try to pull myself out of bed, from under the blankets, and away from the carbohydrates long enough to fill you in to all the wonderful events that are going on in my little world…no matter how SAD I am.